I need to get my shit together- but how...?

I normally do not post this many rants but now I just can't take it anymore that I need to get this out.

I don't like calling my condition depression but that is exactly what I have and it's hitting me so fucking hard right now I wake up at random intervals in the night on the verge of hysterical mental breakdown.

I think it's because I miss my old friends- totally understandable, starting off someplace new such as university with NO ONE - not even with a person I maybe talked to once in my life. I get that, and I can deal with that.

I also think it's because I have lost a terrifying amount of weight in such a small span of time, and because I am so anxious about losing more- I try force eating- but that only makes me feel more nauseous and the cycle continues. This 'not eating' situation has happened to me before 2-3 times in my life so I know that if I just keep going, keep eating at my normal meal times, even if its a tiny bit- will be ok until I'm ready to stomach something properly later.

But for the past 6 months I have been emotionally destroyed- I can't control what I think but I can stop myself from doing it which is terrifying enough. I am receiving professional help, I am trying- actually really hard to follow what they tell me and get my shit together and under control, to learn to control my brain and not let it control me. 

People who I've spoken to about this have said you should probably get out more- I know I should, but I live in Hong Kong where despite it's busy atmosphere there's not much to do except see a movie, hang out round a shopping centre or something like that.  I probably should get an exercise schedule back in my life- that may help me shitloads.

But basically the reason I'm doing this is because for this past week I know quite a few of you have realised I'm not doing so hot and have been incredibly sweet in trying to cheer me up. So thank you very much, you guys really do make me smile.

It was 5:30am when I wrote this initially and posted it to tumblr and I've been so distressed since I've cried at least 3 times. I feel a little calmer getting this shit off my chest but only by a little. This day's going to be a long one, especially when I feel like crying uncontrollably all the time.

I'm sorry to those of you who just read all of that. I can't promise I'm ok now, but I can promise perhaps in 2-3 weeks time I still won't be ok, but I'll definitely be better than I am right now.